D'che & Me

We go way back like having immature conversations about sexual relations, bitter relationships and that 1st drink we sipped. Truth is, we were still kids living in the bodies of women driven by our hearts waiting for our minds to catch up. And when they did meet we stopped dead in our feet and looked down only to discover we have treaded through unwanted paths. Still we were able to crack jokes on meaningless confrontations and hurtful words. Indescribable bond I'd say, and some days I wouldn't have it any other way. Coming and going, but in my heart you stay.

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A man spits wise words on a corner that no one listens to
Not even me
I walk past him catching a glimpse of my shadow
watching may hair blow in the breeze thinking we've been through a lot together
Ironic I know
but sometimes you have to learn to appreciate the little things
If something so small can make you smile
Imagine the joy laughter can bring
Maybe I discovered my worth late in my life
done more wrong then right
I wouldn't re-write my footsteps differently
All this I am is whats got him into me
Mentally
Just a hint of mystery
I came a long way from the in and outs and switching lanes
Learned deep lessons from my hearts pain
Still I'm not stained
I'm not broken or tainted I'm renewed
and if I have anyone to thank its you...

Feeling me, Feeling You

Everything about this new me i am is because of you

The smell of you

The touch of you

Just the thought of you

Who told you it was ok to make me feel this way?

To free from the games the past use to play

Hoping that you'll stay

Hoping that my past doesn't scare you away

Everything about this new me i am is because of you

So far removed from the things i use to do

All with a means to slowly get closer to you

I love it when my phone rings and my text tone beeps

The good mornings and good nights before i go to sleep

Everything about this new me i am is because of you

So deeply into you

Your everything i need you to be

Accepting me for me

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I played that sad song on the way home

and cried all the way

Could it be the drunkeness of my dark liquor mixor

or this broken heart I can't seem to fix

Why is it I write these odes to you?

The course of events brought up feelings I never knew

I love you

That "I wanna love you", love you

That "Put no one above you", love you

That "Spend my life", love you

However in the end

I come out of this drunken sadness

Tryna play it cool like these feelings for you don't exist

Feeling dismissed

But not really, cause nights when I have you

and you whisper my name

Its like we were before all of this

Caught between bits of lust and temporary saticfaction

Loathing you back with her after every transaction

I played that sad song on the way home

and cried all the way

I knew you'd break my heart almost lover

So these feelings for you I put away

Love Below The Surface

Love below the surface

Tell me was it all worth it?

Moving on is just a state of mind

Heart aching as time passes by

I still feel victimized

and though I can't press charges against your lying crime

I can only hope the pain will subside over time

Head ache and stress

None the less

You seemed to be the best of the best

and YES I confess

I got us into this mess

Love below the surface

Babe, was it all worth it?

The distrust you birthed it

and the picture from then on was NEVER perfect

DRAMA comes between us

and its the one thing that will NEVER leave us

Words in your ear

Seeking the truth is what you fear

So deeply blinded by your assumptions

and with them you choose to run with

Ending our forever happy ever after before it began

Love below the surface

Finding Me

So I sit here feeling disposed

Like this me isn't me

Feel like I'm trying to conform

to what "HE" and "SHE" wants me to be

Hiding all theses feelings

Feeling like I'm hiding

Moving in new directions

My spirit inside is crying

Seem like sin has become my best friend

Like I've done a 360

and found the old "Ashley" again

Who's to say that she isn't me?

Maybe this whole time this "NEW ME"

Is who I was pretending to be

Lots of miles and space

I travel to find a new place

Hoping this space

Will erase those bad memories I've traced

So I sit here feeling disposed

Although no one truly knows

I put on this smile daily

Like I put on my clothes

I drink up this life

Like my morning cup of tea

Wondering all the while"WHO IS SHE?"

I'm still finding me

Finding where I'm suppose to be

I'll travel these miles

Just to get close to being free

In and Out

"It is what it is" says the man on my left fed up with the chase. The in and out is what he was about. He was up for the trade "a piece of me, for a piece of u" and that is what we made. Stuck on stupid I stayed, on my back I laid while losing in the games he played. "Even the best players need to sit on the bench" he said. From then on I was put on a time out wondering what the ignored calls were all about. I was feeling needy and he was getting greedy use to the on call pick ups and me delivering that orgasmic feeling. Sinfully sweating, I thought it was my heart he was petting. All along it was the purr that kept us what we were. Fed up with the tease and feeling the need to be pleased I let it all go to put my mind at ease. Missing him no doubt, my feelings were what I put out but I need more than just the in and out.

Vigorous Emotions

Feeling held down by vigorous emotions. I reflect on it all wondering how did I succumb to this tugging feeling. Not yielding at any warnings but instead seeing green. Unused talent, instead exercising my body in amatory workouts. Again I have reached my transgression praying that this isn't all that life is cracked up to be. Simply frustrated with the in and out, up and down, merry go round, roller coaster. With just a simple means to be held closer to what you seem to shelter. I digress only to return to that familiar place we once laid. However; no longer paying the attention I once paid. This feeling is so plain and humane, but I fight it with every ounce and strain. LOVE. Nothing more nothing less yet and still the same.

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Don't know why I'm feeling

This inner bitter feeling of loneliness

Thoughts and feelings don't make sense

So with the pen on this paper

I write like this

With this weight on my heart

I sound like this

Feeling down so I frown

With my head to the side like this

Feeling torn

Between bouts of jealousy and frustration

Heavy on my back at the days end

So I say then

OK then

These feelings have had their way then

Cheeks stained with dried tears

Only to be washed soon by wet tears that reappear

Streaming and strolling

Thoughts of you I'm holding

I open my eyes

To revel in the revelation unfolding

Creating a new molding

Used to shape the wise

Wiseness in the hearts of those that I despise

I see in your eyes

You see right through my cries

Free from becoming

A victim of your lies

No longer in tune

With the pain from this wound

Happiness, joy

Pure simplicity

Due to come soon

Though I'm still feeling

This Inner bitter feeling of loneliness

The thought of us

Has been completely dismissed

Bittersweet (I wrote this for you...)

He's got that WOW that make me lie about my where abouts

Like I'm 16 and ain't suppose to be out

Got me speeding just to get to the bed to be well fed

Satisfied?

Yea, he got it

Seems like I can't deal without it

Every man wants a real woman

and for HIM that I can be

But there will never be and US or a WE

Because HE belongs to SHE

I am left with only memories of lust at the days end

Just head over heals for no reason

So BITTERSWEET, weekends we meet

Wishing I could put it like a track on repeat

He's got this attitude that screams, "I don't care!"

That shit turns me on, but I wont go there

He makes me feel about a million different things

Pure infatuation, to me, its more than just a fling

I'm his best kept secret

and that's the way I'd like to keep it...

Love Bullshit

Love like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

More abstract then the things you may have once told her

or the way you use to hold her

Love lost can also make the heart grow colder

Love is only as a special as you allow it to be

Defeating deceit and dishonesty

That's how I want you to love me

Love with a beauty like no other

Love with a strength beyond measure

Stimulate my every sense

My heart yearns for pleasure

Love, like beauty, is in the eyes or the beholder

It can be as sexy as my pink negligee

Love should win a fight against temptation any day

Is it too much to ask for you to love me this way

Remind me of the beauty of our love

Each and everyday

Off Top

Even after all this time

You still pass through my mind sometimes

Your where abouts

Your what have beens

Thinking "can't we just be friends?"

Friendship leads to trouble

and a broken heart never mends

Then ill end up back where i started

In and out of love again

Im' positive im over

The thought of me and you

"Us" is such a negative

I promise you I'm through

I was blinded by who you said you were

and that you turned out not to be

Charm was on full strong

You damn sure fooled me

and even though after all this time

You still pass through my mind

All i need is time

To get over every line

The best is what i wish you

No words

Regardless if i miss you

I'm over the tears and tissue

Done with all the issues